Being stabbed in the back by a friend hurts. A lot.
Being stabbed in the back by a family member...one of your children. That pain is indescribable.
I don't understand where I went wrong.
But apparantly I did.
I've had a few people ask me what's happened so...here goes...
Tim has a girfriend. They've been "together" (not dating!) for almost a year now, and the last year has been difficult. We weren't happy when we found out he had said gf, but nonetheless, we've done what we feel we can to be supportive. We've set clear rules about when they are together and then backed those rules with consequences.
Long story short....rules have been broken and consequences have been enforced. We aren't perfect parents (surprise surprise!) but we didn't think we were being unreasonable. Well, apparantly we were...
The gf (aka Skanky hoebag) has written on her facebook a few times about how dissapointed she's been when their plans fall through because of said consequences. This is understandable, but Ms Hoebag has convinced our kid that we are trying to keep them apart...that we are poor providers for him because we won't buy him a sassy cell phone or a car when he turns 16. She feels these things should be provided by the parents. She also is disgusted that we won't buy him clothes and things EVERY weekend like her parents do. Um...seriously? I told Tim that his skank is a spoiled, selfish, rich bitch and that he's her boy from the wrong side of the tracks. Maybe she can be his "sugar mama".
Things finally exploded this weekend when rules were broken...again...when they were at our house last Thursday. Granty decided the priveledge to hang out on Friday had been revoked when rules were broken, and of course, that didn't go over well. She immediately went to her facebook and lamented the fact that her Friday was now ruined because of ME. I told Tim I was deleting her as a facebook friend because I was tired of seeing her comments about me. He had asked me months ago to stop talking about him on facebook, and so I was doing my best not to. But her comments continued...
A while later that evening an argument broke out with Tim & Taylor and in trying to settle the argument, I apparantly took Taylor's side. Tim was angry because he claimed Taylor is spoiled and always gets her way. A lot of things came to a head that night and I'm afraid I lost my temper with him.
Well....of course....he told his hoebag and she was pissed that I would treat her puppet so badly. She proceeded to update her status on facebook and I quote: WOW...you sure are mature for someone your age. What are you like 40? Trying to start drama with a 17 yr old girl? That's pathetic, I'm just sayin'. I had already deleted her as a friend, but she wasn't smart enough to have her privacy settings on facebook, so we saw it simply by looking her up.
Granty wasn't happy.
Granty was irate.
The next morning, she put on her status: anyone know how to fix a hurt heart? Apparantly I had hurt her because under her comments, somebody asked, "What happened?" and her response was "Tim's mom". See, I have these amazing supernatural powers that can reach out from where I am and squish her heart like a grape. It's crazy, but true.
She accused Granty of being a pervert and hacking into her facebook account so he could see her page and wrote: quit hacking into my acount you freaking psycho and leave me the hell alone! We laughed at that because she's apparantly just too dumb to know better.
Then, there was the fated phone call. Now, Granty isn't proud of this, but sometimes a parent has to do what a parent has to do. Tim had called his woman, so Granty listened on the other end. She was crying because we were so mean and she told him that she does NOT owe me an apology because she did nothing wrong. Tim told her that she has done more for him than anybody else ever has and that his parents are merely providers. She threw in that we BARELY provide. Tim said that he supported her 100% in this whole thing. She told him that Granty and I are freaking psychos, and that's when I told Granty I didn't want to know any more.
Up until this point, I was angry at Michelle, but now? Now I'm hurt...so deeply that my son thinks so little of me. He has cried and cried the past two days but I don't know if it's because he feels badly because he hurt my feelings, or if he feels badly that he can't see his skank as easily as he once did. We aren't stopping them from being together, just not allowing her to come here for a while.
This morning before he left for school he was asking what is going on this weekend (there is no school on Friday). I said to him, "If you are wondering if you can go to someone's house Friday, you can. You can go there around 2 or 3 and come home around 8 or 9". His back was to me and I watched his shoulders shake as he started to cry. I asked him, "Are you crying in relief because you can see her?" He said, "No mom, I'm just sad. I know you will think this is hollow, but I do love you and you are a good mom". I turned him toward me and said, "I know you love me. I love you, too." He then wiped his tears and walked to the bus.
It kills me that he is hurting, but unfortunately it's a path he's going to have to walk now. I can't make this situation go away...it's just going to have to work itself out. The damage has been done and now it has to somehow heal. I can be the adult and be forgiving, but as of this moment, I don't know how. I know the Lord says to forgive, but he doesn't say when. I will forgive her, for my son's sake, but not today.
Maybe tomorrow.
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5 comments:
You are a great mom! You are a compassionate mom! I don't think I would be so willing to allow all of this to go on for as long as you have put up with it. I hope that someday Tim will appreciate the fact that you were compassionate about this little puppy love romance that has gotten so completely out of control when he isn't even old enough to date! I'm disappointed in him and sad that he would put his skanky ho before his family who has been there for him since he was 4 years old! As for her...oh, don't get me started..I"m just sayin'!
Oh my friend! I am so truly sorry! I almost cried reading your post! You are Grant are fantastic parents and fantastic people. There will come a time when her will see her for what she is but until that time, we will sure keep you in our prayers. We love you!
#1. Did you ever ask Michelle permission to use her first (real) name on your blog?
#2. As an ADULT, do you find it cathartic to call a CHILD a "hoebag"? Especially when you use her FIRST NAME on your blog, and her friends and family can see it?
#3. Do you realize this is libel? And as such, is ILLEGAL to post on a public forum?
#4. Unbelievable. As the ADULT in this situation, I am shocked beyond belief that you would take it upon yourself to rip down a CHILD in the manner you have. Namecalling? That belongs on the elementary school playground.
#5. GROW UP.
You are ridiculous. Are you still in high school? Or do you really have that pathetic of a life that you need to prey on teenage girls?
Name-calling is something little children do, and they get in trouble for it. So do you think since you're an adult you get to say whatever you want and hurt whoever you want in the process? Shame on you.
You're saying that Tim has "stabbed you in the back" but from what I can tell, you're causing a LOT of the problems. Not only that, but you're blaming it on a 17-year old child.
I think you're sadisic. You enjoy seeing people around you in pain. It's cruel. My guess is that you secretly wish this Michelle would read this and feel awful. Obviously you do, or else you would not of publicly posted this about her. Also, it is illegal to post someone's real name without their permission. Bravo for your ignorance.
You are not a good parent. You're teaching your children that name-calling is alright and that it is okay to have everything your way just because you "are the mother". I have a news flash for you; if you keep acting this way, you won't have any children anymore. At least none that will speak to you anymore.
I hope one day you can swallow your pride and quit making up excuses for your behavior. "Being a mom" is not an excuse to be cruel to other people. Especially not your own children and their girlfriends.
Enjoy life while you can. Because if you continue to act this way, I'm sure you won't be enjoying it in the next 2-5 years. Have a nice day :)
I am shocked and appalled that an ADULT would write such an immature and hateful post about a teenage girl, AND use her real name in a public forum. Do you not realize that the more you criticize your son's friend, the more you will drive him away from you?
I hope someone sends him a link to this post so he can read it and get a glimpse as to how awful and hurtful his own mother can be. Calling his friend names and belittling her will not endear him to you.
This blog post sounds like it was written by a childish, mean, bitter woman. You should be totally embarassed and ashamed of the things you have said about this young girl, and the damage you have done to your son by criticizing his choice of friends.
I feel totally sick to my stomach reading this post of yours. I have never seen such disrespect toward a child by his own mother before. You weren't stabbed in the back, you're the one doing the stabbing.
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