I thought this was going to take several days to write. It's only taken one. Interesting...
3 days had passed since we caught Tim sneaking around and I got a text from a good friend of mine. She texted me and said, "change your blog to private". I responded and asked why? Then she called me.
She proceeded to tell me that my blog was being plastered all over facebook. She said that her sister, who lives in Lehi, had looked at one of her friend's facebook and couldn't believe what she was seeing. Her sister said she felt physically sick. So I asked, what is going on??
Apparantly, Tim's gf "stumbled upon" my blog and saw the entry titled "Stabbed in the back". I'm sure you have read it, but if you haven't, I posted it in February. Go take a gander. I can wait............
In that post I called his gf a few ugly names. It wasn't the right thing to do. I admit it. But I was mad. I was furious. I was venting my feelings in my personal journal/blog and didn't expect anyone to see it but my friends and family.
Well the whole world was privvy to it that night.
Tim's gf told her best friend about my post. The best friend then told her mom (the friend's mom). The mom then posted the following on her facebook:
"My daughter's best friend has had a long time relationship with her boyfriend. The boyfriend's mother, apparently, does not like her. So, she has decided to vent about this poor girl on her blog. For example: http://whatshappeninhotstuff.blogspot.com/2010/02/stabbed-in-back.htmlIs there anyone else out there that is as... flabbergasted as I am that this ADULT woman would call a child by her first name on her blog (without permission), and then proceed to call her names? Unbelievable."
Yes. I called her names. Yes. That wasn't nice. Yet I hardly feel like I was calling a child names. She's not a child. She's 17 yr old girl, who knows what she's doing, and I don't like it (you probably figured that out by reading my blog entry...heh!) Has this mother never called someone a name? Never said something she didn't mean out of anger? Never voiced her frustration on a situation that affected her family? I guess not. The following comments make me think that I must be the ONLY person who has ever felt those things:
"I can't believe a grown woman would talk about a girl her son is dating that way. Or anybody for that matter, except maybe her husband's mistress. It's just unacceptable...." but saying my husband could have a mistress is okay? Interesting...
"Her son must be so ashamed of her. Is he reading this crap she writes?" Actually, he has. Ashamed of me? Not likely. Just pissed off.
"And, apparently, "Granty" Dad is little better, if at all. Yeeeesh! Creepy crawlies." Where the hell do you get THAT idea?
"Wish the mom could read the comments here on FB. Might be a good wakeup call." Just a wake up call that people are mean and ignorant.
"I cannot imagine a mother writing about her child/ren on a public blog in such a horrifically mean way. I am beyond stupefied at her total lack of sensitivity towards her son and his girlfriend. I feel sick to my stomach." Lack of sensitivity? Are you serious? Did you read what I wrote?
"I really don't understand your sympathy. Then again, I guess it's OK to judge us for calling foul-mouth mom out on her emotionally aggressive behavior, but somehow she's in the clear? Don't get it." Emotionally aggressive? Calling someone a skank is emotionally aggressive? I thought it was just rude...no wait, I thought it showed a "lack of sensitivity".
"I think you're sadisic. You enjoy seeing people around you in pain. It's cruel. My guess is that you secretly wish his gf would read this and feel awful. Obviously you do, or else you would not of publicly posted this about her." NOW I'm a sadist! Wait 'til Granty hears about this!!
"I hope one day you can swallow your pride and quit making up excuses for your behavior. "Being a mom is not an excuse to be cruel to other people." Really? Well then you must not be a mom.
"This blog post sounds like it was written by a childish, mean, bitter woman. You should be totally embarassed and ashamed of the things you have said about this young girl." Yes, I suppose I should. Poor, poor little girl. *tear*
It's amazing the conclusion these women came to, just by reading one blog entry. Without the facts, without knowing me, they have defined who I am: a no-good, insensitive, bitter, spiteful, hateful, childish woman who is a terrible parent. Wow. They are pretty smart. They really have me figured out. Which is a good thing, considering we live in a mormon community and you certainly want to pick out the "bad mothers". Hopefully, this Sunday when they sit through Sacrament Meeting, or teach their Primary lesson, or listen to the instructor in Relief Society they can be confident in knowing they have successfuly found one of those bad mothers. Bravo on your judgement. You are definitely elect ladies!
And then, as if adding insult to injury this comment showed up. It was left by the owner of the facebook page; the mom of the gf's friend. She said:
"According to my daughter, dad is physically abusive. Sad situation all around."
I was stunned. I was completely shocked. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
It was one thing to say harsh things about me, but this was a LIE. A flat out lie and they were saying it about my Granty! They were gossiping about the man who means the most to me in this world and it tore me up inside.
This was Tuesday night. Neither Granty or I got any sleep. We had visions of DCFS showing up at our doorstep to take our kids away. We were angry and hurt and exhaused. Tim knew something was wrong the next morning, but we weren't sure what we were going to do so we didn't say anything to him...or anyone else. We had to keep our mouths shut. We were hoping we could sue the friend's mother for slander, but because her comment says, "according to my daughter" it's considered hearsay. Oh, and all the comments about how using her name is illegal...it's not. We found those comments pretty funny, considering Granty works in a law office and he knows the laws forward and backward. Anyway...
That evening I asked Tim where his gf would get the idea that he had been abused. He said he has never said anything to anyone about being abused. I said to him, that than means your gf is lying. I asked if that bothered him. Did it bother him that his gf is spreading scandalous LIES about his dad. Lies that could break up our family. Lies that could destroy us. Did that bother him? His answer...my gf didn't want this. I got a bit angry and said, and we DID want this? Quit feeding me this crap that she is innocent. Look what she has done!
Why did I bother?
SHE went searching for my blog. Did she think she was going to find a love letter written to her from me? She knows how I feel about her. The only reason I can think she would look at my blog was to stir up trouble. Again. Like she always does. Yet she STILL has done no wrong.
Is it really worth risking our family...for her?
At this moment, we don't know what to do. We have different options we are weighing, but we need the drama to stop. I told Granty that when we pray, we need to ask how to bring peace back to our home again. THAT is my ultimate goal. This whole situation had trickled down to our other kids and we can't have them living in fear.
So my story ends with no real ending actually. It's still a story in progress, and as things happen, I'll keep you posted.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
NO.MORE.DRAMA...part 3
This story is pouring out of me now. See? I told you I'm a talker...
So, last Friday, Tim was supposed to be with one of his friends, at his house, and then they were coming to our house around 10 to stay the night. We had been thinking of going to visit some family out of town that weekend, and Tim kept asking me if we were going. He said he had plans with his friends and didn't want to cancel them. He said that if we DID go out of town, he would just stay with a friend. It seemed weird to me that he was so interested, and had some plans in order, but I blew it off. Why would he lie to me?
I was playing on facebook that night, just looking at profiles and such, and had the urge to look at his gf's page. She has me blocked, so I couldn't look at it unless I was sneaky. And I was. When I looked at her page, I was surprised to see some things. On several days that Tim was supposedly with friends, she made a comment about them being together. She commented how fun spring break was and Tim commented that he agreed it was the best spring break ever. I called Granty in to show him, and as he did, a new post showed up. Her status said that Tim gives the best foot massages, ever. They were together, right then. At that moment. Together. Tim and her.
Cameron told us that he knew Tim's gf sometimes brought him home at night and dropped him off around the corner so that we couldn't see. Granty walked over to the park by our house so he could watch for her car, and sure enough, around the corner she dropped off both Tim and his friend.
When Tim walked in I said, "I have one question, and I want the truth. Were you with your gf just now, last Friday and over spring break?" He looked at me and lied. "No mom, I was with my friends." I said to him, "Are you sure? Because I have proof you were together." Silence.
At that point we just told him he was grounded for 2 weeks until we were able to decide what an appropriate consequence would be. We still haven't decided.
I had trusted him. I had placed all my faith in him that he would do what's right, and again....AGAIN I was decieved. I started feeling like I must be the most stupid person on the planet! Something had to be wrong with me to keep believing him over and over. How can I not have faith in him? He is my son. He is my little boy.
I will always have faith in him, and I will always love him. However, my heart will be broken every time he lets me down. And that's okay. It's my job.
And next, the exciting conclusion!
So, last Friday, Tim was supposed to be with one of his friends, at his house, and then they were coming to our house around 10 to stay the night. We had been thinking of going to visit some family out of town that weekend, and Tim kept asking me if we were going. He said he had plans with his friends and didn't want to cancel them. He said that if we DID go out of town, he would just stay with a friend. It seemed weird to me that he was so interested, and had some plans in order, but I blew it off. Why would he lie to me?
I was playing on facebook that night, just looking at profiles and such, and had the urge to look at his gf's page. She has me blocked, so I couldn't look at it unless I was sneaky. And I was. When I looked at her page, I was surprised to see some things. On several days that Tim was supposedly with friends, she made a comment about them being together. She commented how fun spring break was and Tim commented that he agreed it was the best spring break ever. I called Granty in to show him, and as he did, a new post showed up. Her status said that Tim gives the best foot massages, ever. They were together, right then. At that moment. Together. Tim and her.
Cameron told us that he knew Tim's gf sometimes brought him home at night and dropped him off around the corner so that we couldn't see. Granty walked over to the park by our house so he could watch for her car, and sure enough, around the corner she dropped off both Tim and his friend.
When Tim walked in I said, "I have one question, and I want the truth. Were you with your gf just now, last Friday and over spring break?" He looked at me and lied. "No mom, I was with my friends." I said to him, "Are you sure? Because I have proof you were together." Silence.
At that point we just told him he was grounded for 2 weeks until we were able to decide what an appropriate consequence would be. We still haven't decided.
I had trusted him. I had placed all my faith in him that he would do what's right, and again....AGAIN I was decieved. I started feeling like I must be the most stupid person on the planet! Something had to be wrong with me to keep believing him over and over. How can I not have faith in him? He is my son. He is my little boy.
I will always have faith in him, and I will always love him. However, my heart will be broken every time he lets me down. And that's okay. It's my job.
And next, the exciting conclusion!
NO.MORE.DRAMA...part 2
My story must be rivitting, because you are back! That or you have nothing better to do. How rude! Anway...
Things at our house were somewhat tense. Tim spent most of his time in the basement, away from the rest of the family. He isolated himself. He would sulk during FHE, pout during dinner, antagonize his siblings, and glare at me & Granty. Typical teenager I suppose.
We didn't talk about his gf. Any time we did, an argument would break out. Feelings would get hurt and nothing would get resolved. One evening, Tim came in and asked me some questions that were health related. I asked if something was wrong and he said that no, these were questions for his gf. He said to me, "I know you probably don't care, but she has a lump in her throat and I'm worried." My response was, "You are right, I don't really care. I care that you as my son are worried about her, and I certainly don't wish her any ill will, but I am not worried about her. I'm not going to lie."
What happened next really shouldn't surprise me, but somehow it did. Tim started pushing and pushing and pushing me into an argument. I kept telling him that I didn't want to get into this, but he kept pushing. He told me how pathetic I was that I didn't care about his gf. I asked him why should I care about someone who has brought our family nothing but trouble? He said that I used to be the kind of mom he could talk to. He said I used to be the kind of mom who was supportive. He said I used to be the kind of mom who was understanding. Words started flying...feelings started getting hurt. I got sick of the discussion and as I turned to walk away I said, "That's right. Since you met HER, I've become the non-supportive, non-understanding, non-listening mom. I'm just a big old bitch!" I could hear him puff up his chest as he yelled "F_ _ _ YOU!"
I was stunned. My son had never talked to me like THAT before, and I'm afraid I lost all compassion. I turned back to him and said, "That is IT. You will not go to her house again, she will not come here, you will not call her. Period." We didn't speak to each other for about a week. It was torture. I wanted to grab him in my arms and say how sorry I was and that I forgave him, but I couldn't. This wasn't something that was just going to go away without some consquences. We had to find a solution. But we didn't.
After about a week of him ignoring all of us, things came right again. He started asking if he could go hang out with his friends. He wanted to go the skate park. Granty and I were thrilled to see that he wanted to do OTHER things than be with her. We wanted him to be a normal teenager and do normal teenager things. It felt like that was happening. I trusted him completely, however Granty did not. Granty kept saying, are you sure he is where he says he is, and I would say, of course he is! Have some faith in your son!
How wrong I was. Again.
More to come...
Things at our house were somewhat tense. Tim spent most of his time in the basement, away from the rest of the family. He isolated himself. He would sulk during FHE, pout during dinner, antagonize his siblings, and glare at me & Granty. Typical teenager I suppose.
We didn't talk about his gf. Any time we did, an argument would break out. Feelings would get hurt and nothing would get resolved. One evening, Tim came in and asked me some questions that were health related. I asked if something was wrong and he said that no, these were questions for his gf. He said to me, "I know you probably don't care, but she has a lump in her throat and I'm worried." My response was, "You are right, I don't really care. I care that you as my son are worried about her, and I certainly don't wish her any ill will, but I am not worried about her. I'm not going to lie."
What happened next really shouldn't surprise me, but somehow it did. Tim started pushing and pushing and pushing me into an argument. I kept telling him that I didn't want to get into this, but he kept pushing. He told me how pathetic I was that I didn't care about his gf. I asked him why should I care about someone who has brought our family nothing but trouble? He said that I used to be the kind of mom he could talk to. He said I used to be the kind of mom who was supportive. He said I used to be the kind of mom who was understanding. Words started flying...feelings started getting hurt. I got sick of the discussion and as I turned to walk away I said, "That's right. Since you met HER, I've become the non-supportive, non-understanding, non-listening mom. I'm just a big old bitch!" I could hear him puff up his chest as he yelled "F_ _ _ YOU!"
I was stunned. My son had never talked to me like THAT before, and I'm afraid I lost all compassion. I turned back to him and said, "That is IT. You will not go to her house again, she will not come here, you will not call her. Period." We didn't speak to each other for about a week. It was torture. I wanted to grab him in my arms and say how sorry I was and that I forgave him, but I couldn't. This wasn't something that was just going to go away without some consquences. We had to find a solution. But we didn't.
After about a week of him ignoring all of us, things came right again. He started asking if he could go hang out with his friends. He wanted to go the skate park. Granty and I were thrilled to see that he wanted to do OTHER things than be with her. We wanted him to be a normal teenager and do normal teenager things. It felt like that was happening. I trusted him completely, however Granty did not. Granty kept saying, are you sure he is where he says he is, and I would say, of course he is! Have some faith in your son!
How wrong I was. Again.
More to come...
NO.MORE.DRAMA...part 1
Everyone knows I'm a talker, but I find myself speechless today. The words just aren't coming, but I have a story to tell. The never-ending drama in our house just came to it's ultimate climax this week. It's gonna take me some time to share our soap opera, so give me a few days and I'll lay it all out for you.
*sigh* Where to begin? I'm pretty sure that everyone knows Tim has a girlfriend. It's been a struggle, to say the least, considering when he met her, he was only 14--not old enough to date by LDS standards. There have been a lot of lies and plenty of deception. They both know how to bend the rules and trick their way into what they want.
Here is the short version of their relationship: They meet...they decide to be a couple...start "hanging" at each other's houses...parents decide they are "hanging" too frequently and put a limit on their time together...they start taking long walks...innapropriate things happen on said "walks"...parents find out and all hell breaks loose...new, strict rules are set in place...rules get broken frequently at our house...we enforce consequences....she says nasty things about us on facebook, convinces Tim we are unreasonable parents...we put a kaibosh on her coming to our house, but he can go to hers.
We confronted Tim about the things she had said about us on facebook, and there was no apology...no feeling bad for what had happened....no remorse. He said we were wrong for looking up her facebook account and she did NOTHING wrong. At all. It's too bad he's decided to possibly share his life with a girl who has little or no respect for adults. That was apparent in her comments.
For a while, we told Tim that his gf wasn't welcome at our house. Neither one of us really wanted to have to speak to her after she was so rude. He spent plenty of time at her house, and for a time all was well, but unfortunately, it wasn't enough for Tim. He wanted more. He wanted everything to back to the way it was: everyone liked his gf and they could spend time together frequently. We told him that was never going to happen. Damage had been done and now we needed to just move forward. Instead of being happy with what he HAD, he lamented on what he DIDN'T have.
He constantly complained and would say he didn't understand why a few hurtful comments she made warranted them not seeing each other as often. I told him it was MORE than just a few comments. It was her manipulative nature. Cameron has witnessed on several occasions how she can bend Tim to her will, even when Tim knows what she is asking for is wrong. It was her disregard for our family rules. We had specific rules for the two of them, and a lot of the time when they were at our house, she had gotten Tim to break them. His judgement was impaired when it came to her. It was the ideas she planted in his head. Telling him we are bad providers, that we are bad parents, that we don't really love him, that we were trying to keep them apart. It was her convincing a 14 boy to be with a 16 yr old girl.
I've been accused of being bitter. Of being jealous. Of being a bad parent. Am I bitter? Yes. Am I jealous? Probably. Of them? No. Jealous of mothers who still have little children at home and don't have this kind of crap to deal with. Am I a bad parent? I've been asking myself that quite a bit lately. I have tried since Tim was 4 yrs old to teach him what is right. I've fed him, clothed him, sat at his bedside when he was ill, provided gifts for holidays, driven him where he needs to go, washed his clothes, kissed him goodnight, fought battles at school for him, taken him to therapy, made sure he took meds for his asthma, gave him siblings, attended countless school programs, encouraged him to become something...if that defines a bad parent, then I am guilty as charged.
There's a lot more to my story, but I'm exhausted. More to come....stay tuned...
*sigh* Where to begin? I'm pretty sure that everyone knows Tim has a girlfriend. It's been a struggle, to say the least, considering when he met her, he was only 14--not old enough to date by LDS standards. There have been a lot of lies and plenty of deception. They both know how to bend the rules and trick their way into what they want.
Here is the short version of their relationship: They meet...they decide to be a couple...start "hanging" at each other's houses...parents decide they are "hanging" too frequently and put a limit on their time together...they start taking long walks...innapropriate things happen on said "walks"...parents find out and all hell breaks loose...new, strict rules are set in place...rules get broken frequently at our house...we enforce consequences....she says nasty things about us on facebook, convinces Tim we are unreasonable parents...we put a kaibosh on her coming to our house, but he can go to hers.
We confronted Tim about the things she had said about us on facebook, and there was no apology...no feeling bad for what had happened....no remorse. He said we were wrong for looking up her facebook account and she did NOTHING wrong. At all. It's too bad he's decided to possibly share his life with a girl who has little or no respect for adults. That was apparent in her comments.
For a while, we told Tim that his gf wasn't welcome at our house. Neither one of us really wanted to have to speak to her after she was so rude. He spent plenty of time at her house, and for a time all was well, but unfortunately, it wasn't enough for Tim. He wanted more. He wanted everything to back to the way it was: everyone liked his gf and they could spend time together frequently. We told him that was never going to happen. Damage had been done and now we needed to just move forward. Instead of being happy with what he HAD, he lamented on what he DIDN'T have.
He constantly complained and would say he didn't understand why a few hurtful comments she made warranted them not seeing each other as often. I told him it was MORE than just a few comments. It was her manipulative nature. Cameron has witnessed on several occasions how she can bend Tim to her will, even when Tim knows what she is asking for is wrong. It was her disregard for our family rules. We had specific rules for the two of them, and a lot of the time when they were at our house, she had gotten Tim to break them. His judgement was impaired when it came to her. It was the ideas she planted in his head. Telling him we are bad providers, that we are bad parents, that we don't really love him, that we were trying to keep them apart. It was her convincing a 14 boy to be with a 16 yr old girl.
I've been accused of being bitter. Of being jealous. Of being a bad parent. Am I bitter? Yes. Am I jealous? Probably. Of them? No. Jealous of mothers who still have little children at home and don't have this kind of crap to deal with. Am I a bad parent? I've been asking myself that quite a bit lately. I have tried since Tim was 4 yrs old to teach him what is right. I've fed him, clothed him, sat at his bedside when he was ill, provided gifts for holidays, driven him where he needs to go, washed his clothes, kissed him goodnight, fought battles at school for him, taken him to therapy, made sure he took meds for his asthma, gave him siblings, attended countless school programs, encouraged him to become something...if that defines a bad parent, then I am guilty as charged.
There's a lot more to my story, but I'm exhausted. More to come....stay tuned...
Saturday, April 10, 2010
TiN gRiN
Sooooo...I got braces!Crazy?
Yeah, probably...but I don't care.
I'll have pretty teeth ,
And that makes me awfully happy :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
