Welcoming 2009

Well!! It's hard for me to believe that another year has begun! All in all, 2008 was a pretty great year for me and my family. No, it wasn't perfect and of course was filled with ups and downs, but most importantly, it's another year under my belt with NO manic or depressed episodes!

For those of you who may not know, I was diagnosed as having Bipolar I Disorder almost 12 years ago. I remember when the Psychiatrist first told me he thought I was a perfect example of a Bipolar patient. I thought he was an idiot and just about kicked the door down to get out of his office.

In all honesty, it has taken me probably 10 years to figure myself out. It hasn't been easy, that's for sure, but I have learned so much about myself, my loved ones, and what it means to truly live. I've learned that not taking meds is just plain stupid! I've gone the rounds of not taking them, and it just isn't smart. I've learned that keeping my appts with my Psychiatrist is a very good idea!! I've learned that talking to Granty about how I honestly feel brings us closer, and I've learned it's nothing to be ashamed of.

There's no need to go into messy details of the past 12 years of my life. Basically, it has been a major trial, but I can look back and see how many people have helped me become who I am. I want to recognize some of those people and let them know just HOW MUCH they have pulled me through some awful, awful times...

* My friend Meridith...she has been my friend for over 20 years now, and sometimes she really caught the brunt of my actions. I know there were times she didn't understand me, but she never, not once, turned her back on me. If nothing else, she believed I would get better, and stuck by me. I love you so much Mer!

* My cousin, Dawn...Dawn has been like the sister I always wanted. She and I met at a family reunion shortly before I was diagnosed and we just "clicked". She has been there when I needed a friend to talk to, to get advice from or just company when I had a bad day. She's the most positive person I know and always knows how to make me laugh. She's the one that introduced me to "heart medicine" (CHOCOLATE!) and the fact that it's okay to indulge once in a while! Especially when you're heart is aching.

*My brother and my Aunt Shelly...when this whole ordeal started, my brother was on a mission, and of course my parents didn't want to burden him with my issues. Since then, he has always asked me how I am and been one of my biggest cheerleaders. He's always been on my side, so why should I be surprised? And then my Aunt Shelly...she is the BEST! She's always been like a big sister to me and always, ALWAYS lets me know she cares. There are times she'd call, just to say hello and make sure I was still breathing.

* My old RS President, Sheila...she was my RS President the year I was diagnosed. At the time I was one of her counselors in RS and she wouldn't let me give up. She knew I was struggling, and that I was hurting, but she kept me coming to church and close to the Lord. It was something I needed. I just didn't know how much.

*My old Bishop, Bishop Lauber...Bishop Lauber and I became fast friends when I was diagnosed. He took a special interest in me and let me know that although things were at their darkest, they WOULD get better. That Heavenly Father WAS aware of me and wanted me to get better. He prayed with me, he wept with me, and he celebrated with me. I will forever be grateful to this wonderful man!

*My parents...I can't help but think of these two special people and simply cry. There were never two more Christlike people than my mom and dad. It was hard having to fall apart at my parent's feet, feeling I had dissapointed them, that I had dashed their dreams of what a daughter should be, and ask for help. Both my parents gently held me as I screamed & cried and battled the harship that was my life, and never, NEVER did they judge me. They loved me and love me still unconditionally. There was a reason they were chosen to be my parents and I am grateful they were.

* My husband...I know that every woman feels she has the most wonderful husband in the world, but I'm sorry ladies--I DO! If there was a way to convey just how much my husband has struggled over the past decade, I would tell you, but there just isn't. Granty has helped me through some horribly awful times. Don't be mistaken and think that I was the only one struggling. Oh no! Granty was suffering right along side me.

I'm ashamed to admit this, but it has seriously taken me years to figure out what a gem of a husband I have. I couldn't see it in the beginning. Perhaps my sick mind camoflauged how great he is. No matter what it was, I can see it now, and how dearly do I love him. There were plenty of times he could have left me, and with good reason! However, he told my mom once, when I was in one of the most horrific episodes I've ever had, "I know the woman I married is in there somewhere. I know she is a good person. I just need to find her again."

I'm so grateful to you, Grant. I'm so grateful you didn't give up on me and that now, finally all this time later, we have an awesome marriage! The past two years have been the best EVER, and they just keep getting better and better! I am so in love with you and so happy we are still together!

*My Heavenly Father...there is no was I could have survived the hell of my life 12 years ago without Him. He has been my constant companion, and I have felt Him holding my hand many times as I cried my heart out to Him. I am eternally grateful for his love, his forgiveness and his presence in my life.

So here's to 2009! May it be another successful and healthy year!