NO.MORE.DRAMA...conclusion

I thought this was going to take several days to write. It's only taken one. Interesting...

3 days had passed since we caught Tim sneaking around and I got a text from a good friend of mine. She texted me and said, "change your blog to private". I responded and asked why? Then she called me.

She proceeded to tell me that my blog was being plastered all over facebook. She said that her sister, who lives in Lehi, had looked at one of her friend's facebook and couldn't believe what she was seeing. Her sister said she felt physically sick. So I asked, what is going on??

Apparantly, Tim's gf "stumbled upon" my blog and saw the entry titled "Stabbed in the back". I'm sure you have read it, but if you haven't, I posted it in February. Go take a gander. I can wait............

In that post I called his gf a few ugly names. It wasn't the right thing to do. I admit it. But I was mad. I was furious. I was venting my feelings in my personal journal/blog and didn't expect anyone to see it but my friends and family.

Well the whole world was privvy to it that night.

Tim's gf told her best friend about my post. The best friend then told her mom (the friend's mom). The mom then posted the following on her facebook:

"My daughter's best friend has had a long time relationship with her boyfriend. The boyfriend's mother, apparently, does not like her. So, she has decided to vent about this poor girl on her blog. For example: http://whatshappeninhotstuff.blogspot.com/2010/02/stabbed-in-back.htmlIs there anyone else out there that is as... flabbergasted as I am that this ADULT woman would call a child by her first name on her blog (without permission), and then proceed to call her names? Unbelievable."

Yes. I called her names. Yes. That wasn't nice. Yet I hardly feel like I was calling a child names. She's not a child. She's 17 yr old girl, who knows what she's doing, and I don't like it (you probably figured that out by reading my blog entry...heh!) Has this mother never called someone a name? Never said something she didn't mean out of anger? Never voiced her frustration on a situation that affected her family? I guess not. The following comments make me think that I must be the ONLY person who has ever felt those things:

"I can't believe a grown woman would talk about a girl her son is dating that way. Or anybody for that matter, except maybe her husband's mistress. It's just unacceptable...." but saying my husband could have a mistress is okay? Interesting...

"Her son must be so ashamed of her. Is he reading this crap she writes?" Actually, he has. Ashamed of me? Not likely. Just pissed off.

"And, apparently, "Granty" Dad is little better, if at all. Yeeeesh! Creepy crawlies." Where the hell do you get THAT idea?

"Wish the mom could read the comments here on FB. Might be a good wakeup call." Just a wake up call that people are mean and ignorant.

"I cannot imagine a mother writing about her child/ren on a public blog in such a horrifically mean way. I am beyond stupefied at her total lack of sensitivity towards her son and his girlfriend. I feel sick to my stomach." Lack of sensitivity? Are you serious? Did you read what I wrote?

"I really don't understand your sympathy. Then again, I guess it's OK to judge us for calling foul-mouth mom out on her emotionally aggressive behavior, but somehow she's in the clear? Don't get it." Emotionally aggressive? Calling someone a skank is emotionally aggressive? I thought it was just rude...no wait, I thought it showed a "lack of sensitivity".

"I think you're sadisic. You enjoy seeing people around you in pain. It's cruel. My guess is that you secretly wish his gf would read this and feel awful. Obviously you do, or else you would not of publicly posted this about her." NOW I'm a sadist! Wait 'til Granty hears about this!!

"I hope one day you can swallow your pride and quit making up excuses for your behavior. "Being a mom is not an excuse to be cruel to other people." Really? Well then you must not be a mom.

"This blog post sounds like it was written by a childish, mean, bitter woman. You should be totally embarassed and ashamed of the things you have said about this young girl." Yes, I suppose I should. Poor, poor little girl. *tear*

It's amazing the conclusion these women came to, just by reading one blog entry. Without the facts, without knowing me, they have defined who I am: a no-good, insensitive, bitter, spiteful, hateful, childish woman who is a terrible parent. Wow. They are pretty smart. They really have me figured out. Which is a good thing, considering we live in a mormon community and you certainly want to pick out the "bad mothers". Hopefully, this Sunday when they sit through Sacrament Meeting, or teach their Primary lesson, or listen to the instructor in Relief Society they can be confident in knowing they have successfuly found one of those bad mothers. Bravo on your judgement. You are definitely elect ladies!

And then, as if adding insult to injury this comment showed up. It was left by the owner of the facebook page; the mom of the gf's friend. She said:

"According to my daughter, dad is physically abusive. Sad situation all around."

I was stunned. I was completely shocked. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

It was one thing to say harsh things about me, but this was a LIE. A flat out lie and they were saying it about my Granty! They were gossiping about the man who means the most to me in this world and it tore me up inside.

This was Tuesday night. Neither Granty or I got any sleep. We had visions of DCFS showing up at our doorstep to take our kids away. We were angry and hurt and exhaused. Tim knew something was wrong the next morning, but we weren't sure what we were going to do so we didn't say anything to him...or anyone else. We had to keep our mouths shut. We were hoping we could sue the friend's mother for slander, but because her comment says, "according to my daughter" it's considered hearsay. Oh, and all the comments about how using her name is illegal...it's not. We found those comments pretty funny, considering Granty works in a law office and he knows the laws forward and backward. Anyway...

That evening I asked Tim where his gf would get the idea that he had been abused. He said he has never said anything to anyone about being abused. I said to him, that than means your gf is lying. I asked if that bothered him. Did it bother him that his gf is spreading scandalous LIES about his dad. Lies that could break up our family. Lies that could destroy us. Did that bother him? His answer...my gf didn't want this. I got a bit angry and said, and we DID want this? Quit feeding me this crap that she is innocent. Look what she has done!

Why did I bother?

SHE went searching for my blog. Did she think she was going to find a love letter written to her from me? She knows how I feel about her. The only reason I can think she would look at my blog was to stir up trouble. Again. Like she always does. Yet she STILL has done no wrong.

Is it really worth risking our family...for her?

At this moment, we don't know what to do. We have different options we are weighing, but we need the drama to stop. I told Granty that when we pray, we need to ask how to bring peace back to our home again. THAT is my ultimate goal. This whole situation had trickled down to our other kids and we can't have them living in fear.

So my story ends with no real ending actually. It's still a story in progress, and as things happen, I'll keep you posted.